My toughest client

This weekend I got fired by my toughest, and favorite, “client.” He’s my son Noah, and he’s five.

On Sunday he decided it was time to take of the training wheels and learn to ride his bike with two wheels. So my wife and I took turns giving him advice on how to balance and steer without the training wheels.

My wife has a nurturing style, and held carefully to his seat while he pedaled. I was a bit more aggressive, and let Noah go once he got up some momentum; when I couldn’t keep up with him, he took a spill in the grass.

When my turn to coach him came around again, he said to me, “I like you for baseball coaching, but I like Mom for riding a bike. I want her to show me from now on.”

The above story is not so different from how clients and coaches choose one another. We all have different styles. Sometimes your style isn’t right for what the client needs.

A good coach can and should adjust his or her style to be more effective for the client. But sometimes, there isn’t a good fit and the client prefers someone with a different approach and style. That’s fine.

Or, you can adapt.

In this case, I got “rehired” within the hour. The temperature outside was 85 degrees and humid, and my wife needed a break after round after round of running, crouching down, and holding Noah’s bicycle seat. Noah had to choose whether to go inside and stop practicing for a while, or work with me.

He chose to work with me again, emphasizing, “But don’t let go until I say!” I agreed to coach him like my wife did, and held onto his seat until he told me it was okay to let go.

In fact, as I write this from my home office, he is clamoring for me to go outside with him to work on his riding. Even the toughest “clients” sometimes take us back — as long as we know how to listen to feedback and adapt when appropriate.

POSTSCRIPT TWO DAYS LATER: After about a half hour with my wife and I, and then lots of practice on his own in the driveway, Noah is riding his bike around the block — as if he had been riding for years! It is absolutely amazing to watch how little kids can fall, pick themselves back up again, and quickly learn to do something they have never done before.  As in executive coaching, our “clients” are sometimes the best coaches of all.

Coach from the inside out AND outside in

This past week I got to work with a former client of mine who is now an extremely successful executive coach. We worked together on a proposal.

He wins many jobs because his methodology leads to rapid improvements and results — and makes his clients feel great. That’s because his coaching (like the method we teach at The Center for Executive Coaching) focuses on both the leader’s inside state and external behaviors. A good coach needs to work with clients on both — and too many get stuck in one or the other.

Many executives lack the right focus, mindset, beliefs, and attitude to effectively mobilize people.  They have the skills, but lack the right orientation and state of being. Therefore, they fail to engage their colleagues and gain their commitment through authentic and powerful communications. Or, they need to develop better judgment to make more effective decisions that takes the organization where it needs to go.

Others have the right mindset and “inner game,” but lack the raw skills to get the results they want. They never studied appropriate influence, motivation, negotiation, and other conversations. A good coach can rehearse the right types of conversations to have for a given situation.

There are other ways to look at coaching, besides “inside out” and “outside in.” For instance, the most effective coaches focus on the mind, heart, soul, and body of the client. Mind refers to beliefs and critical thinking. Heart is the ability to forge relationships and connect with others. Soul is about common values and vision. And body means that the client is recharging and doing things to stay healthy in a stressful environment.

I hope your approach to coaching is comprehensive, addressing all of the elements that make for an effective leader.

How a legendary “old” pro taught a new up and coming hotshot a thing or two

This past week I had the pleasure of seeing living tennis legend Martina Navratalova play at my club with a young 15-year old hot shot junior player.

During warm-ups with her coach, the 15-year old looked unbeatable. She had huge power, accuracy, and youth on her side.

But Navratalova — now over 50 years old — creamed her. How? By playing smart. The junior was a one-trick pony, all power to the middle with the occasional winner to the side.  Meanwhile, Navratalova mixed her shots up — some topspin, some underspin, some deep, some short, some to the left, some to the right. Even though she was older and arguably had less power, she won.

A lot of what we do as executive coaches is show the up and comers how to develop the kind of flexibility and smarts that Navratalova has. Lots of “hotshots” have a single way of influencing people, whereas more seasoned executives know how to use different styles and strategies for different situations. The same is true for motivating employees, thinking about strategy, making decisions, and switching from long to short-term perspectives.

This “style flexibility” is key to ongoing success. Up and comers sometimes are myopic. They need to learn how to see the whole court and plan their games more strategically.

That’s where we come in!